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By DaveAtFraud - Posted on 30 July 2011

Morning: A time of mental anguish, emotional pain and suffering, and sorrow. Not to be mistaken with mourning which is when you have similar feelings because someone has died as opposed to just having to get out of bed.

I am not a morning person. As a friend of mine from my college days put it, "I am not into a.m." Besides the introduction, above, I want to collect some of my thoughts regarding mornings and morning people. In no particular order:

The term "early morning" is redundant. Any time before noon is early. By the same reasoning the term "late morning" is at best an oxymoron kind of like "jumbo shrimp" but more likely an outright logical contradiction.

Early to bed,
Early to rise.
Just means your life's boring.
'Tis one of their lies.

The early worm deserves the bird. Had the early worm slept in, it wouldn't have been there for the early bird.

I am close to fully awake when I realize that the world looks blurry because I haven't cleaned my glasses yet. This moment usually occurs sometime after 10:00 a.m. but may be pushed forward a little by consuming large quantities of coffee. Cleaning my glasses earlier than this just means that I see a blurry world through really clean glasses.

I'm usually a libertarian but there should be a law against morning people. It's only fair. They managed to inflict daylight savings time on us.

Speaking of daylight savings time. there is no evidence that it actually saves any energy. All it does it let the morning people legally force those of us who would rather sleep in to get up an hour earlier. I don't know about you but I get really cranky when I don't get enough sleep. If you want to get up an hour or even two hours early, knock yourself out. Please just don't make so much noise that I can't sleep.

I've never understood the concept of "brunch." 10:00 a.m., 11:00 a.m. or even noon sound like perfectly good times to have breakfast although 10:00 a.m. may be a tad early so have lots of coffee ready.

There have been several times in my life when I have been awake and functional at 6:00 a.m. or even 5:00 a.m. Of course those were times when I was still up from the day before.